How Intimate is Your Communication?

Communication is the lifeblood of all relationships, and key to intimacy and connection. In our relationships and homes, we create cultures of communication. Use this quiz, which is an excerpt from Marriage Bootcamp, module 2, as a tool to discover the communication culture that you share with your partner.

Answer the questions below using the following scale:

 0 = rarely to never  1 = occasionally  2 = more often than not  3 = regularly  4 = almost always

___ I look at my spouse when she/he is talking.

___ My spouse and I touch each other or sit close to one another when talking. 

___ We laugh together often.

___ I am honest with my spouse and feel like I can share my thoughts openly.

___ I can share my thoughts and feelings without being interrupted.

___ I feel like my spouse is listening to me.

___ My spouse often asks clarifying questions after I’ve shared something.

___ We talk about our feelings on a daily basis. 

___  I trust that my spouse will be honest with me.

___ I am interested in what my partner is sharing with me. 

___ I believe my partner is committed to me and our relationship. 

___ I feel like my spouse acknowledges my perspective, even if she/he doesn’t agree with it.

___ I trust that the questions my spouse asks me are sincere and genuine.

___ Conversations with my spouse make me feel better about myself and our relationship.

___ We finish talking about what we started, even if we’re not able to do so immediately. 

___ Communication is a priority for us and we make time to check in with each other daily.

___ My spouse and I are able to have hard and difficult conversations.

___ I enjoy when my partner shares about his/her feelings. 

___ My spouse looks at me when I am talking.

___ I feel heard and understood by my partner. 

Write down your total points and your spouse’s total points (out of 80). Know that the higher the number, the more positive, honest, confirming, and open you believe your communication culture is. Spend time discussing areas of discrepancy between your scores/ranking and identify areas for growth. Remember, awareness is the first step towards change!